Vicinity of Obscenity

2010 is going to be an interesting year, I can already tell. It began with the usual fireworks show up in Aspen, Colorado, which was pretty usual as far as usual fireworks shows go. There was this guy being hauled from a nearby outhouse into a cop car, which we all assumed was due to some Indecent Exposure; because, dude, it was wickedly cold out and shrinkage is embarrassing and should be lawfully punished if revealed to the public. We all know the effects of shrinkage -- relationship breakups, crying children, and yes, the extreme plummeting of self-esteem. Knowing this country and its laws, the poor bastard in the cop car probably is gonna get five, maybe ten years.

It was cold out. He should have known better.

Once Aspen became boring (which was pretty quickly), we went back home and decided to scream obscenities at the local deer crossing the road. These deer...they think they can just walk out in front of an oncoming vehicle and hope to get away with it! I mean, it's almost like those pedestrians who decide to take their sweet everloving time crossing the road when I'm obviously in a hurry -- you can tell by the loud revving of the engine and the easily-visible vein in my forehead. So, just like these pedestrians, these deer get the old obscenities treatment.

Thing is, this isn't any old obscenities treatment. No, ours is special.

FECKIN A.

That's what it is. Not exactly your standard "Fuckin' A", no. "Feckin A" is a verb and a noun all at once. It's technically not quite an obscenity, yet it sounds close enough to be mistaken as one.

How did it originate, you ask? You didn't ask? Well, Feckin A, I'm gonna tell you anyway.

His name was Kurt. He worked at the local pizza joint. He was in my journalism class back in high school, and as his editor, I told him that his article needed a complete overhaul. Kurt didn't take too kindly to that. A year later, once I had graduated, Kurt and I reminisced about that specific journalism class, and Kurt, in all his brilliance, coined the phrase "Feckin A".

It appears to be two words, but actually only consists of a single word. Really, you kind of pronounce it, "F-eh-kin-uh". Pretend you're a stoner. Pretend you've just gone to the dentist and just gotten your entire mouth numbed up. Now say "Fuckin' A".

Yeah. That's it. You've got it. It's absolute genius.

I salute you, Kurt.

Oh yeah, that's right -- 2010. I have a feeling it's going to be a good year.