Yeah? Well Fuck You, Too, Blanka, You Slimy-Barrel-Rolling-Piece-of-Shit-Asshole-Sonuvabitch-Dillweed

That's right. I'm looking at you, you cute, costume-wearing Street Fighter IV Blanka.


If you're anything at all like your HD Remix counterpart, I'm gonna fucking tear you limb from limb and wear your hat as a...hat. See you in February, motherfucker.

Sincerely,
Your Friend,
Ken Masters

Pricking Needles

After I declared that the word "videogame" should be replaced with "Mother 3" in the English language, I just might want to retract my statement. Not that the game isn't absolutely brilliant, mind you -- it's just, I still haven't finished it because the last remainder of the quest isn't pulling anymore, but pushing. Honestly, I don't really care about pulling needles across the Mother 3 world; I've done this kind of quest in hundreds of other RPGs and I don't really want to do it again. And the undersea, hold-your-breath section? Don't even get me started.

It's just strange that a game that began so well and so near-literary just tapers off into a fetch quest. Sure, one could pose the argument that this actually is being satirical about the whole "going to find the eight crystals scattered about the globe" template that so many games follow, but how about developing this part of the quest in a different manner? Maybe it's more difficult than it sounds.

So, I still haven't completed it, but I hope to finish within the next ten years...and I hear that the ending is strange, funny, and heartrending. Huh.

Wait! Don't Go! You Clicked My Name Out of Pure Curiosity on Some Website, Didn't You, You Poor Bastard

You really shouldn't go around doing that. Most of the time, you'll see some unusual or interesting comment left by some random person on a message board, and you'll think, "Well, this guy's comment was pretty damn weird, so I'll just see what he's going on about at his personal website!"

And when you get there, you realize, "Oh god, what have I done? This blog of his is complete shit and absolutely incompetent compared to real, professional writing."

Believe me, I sympathize with you. Let me be the first to tell you that this blog, too, is complete shit, and I have given up updating it because -- *gasp* *big surprise* -- nobody reads it. Which, as you can see by the title, is kind of a strange, double-edged-sword-kind-of-gimmick.

Honestly, I'm just trying my best not to blend in with the crowd, that pulsating mass of "personal feelings" and "political stances" and "absolute shit" that is the Internet...again, which is a double-edged sword because everyone probably is trying to distance themselves from it, too. It's like that time when I wanted to be original, so I dyed my hair blue, carved the alphabet into my chest with a knife, and ran around singing that wondrous 80's classic, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World".

Problem was, everyone at my high school was doing the exact same thing.

Can't win 'em all.

Oh, and I'm sorry I called you a bastard. It just...slips out sometimes.