Twilight Princess (1): Logic, or "A Review No One Will Read"

Note: This was written a couple months after Twilight Princess was released to the public, and is not written with any hindsight. So, uh, this is not the entire truth about how I feel about the game -- but it doesn't matter because no one is reading this anyway.

Twilight Princess confounds me.

Yes, it's a brilliant game, and yes, it's right up there on my all time favorites list. You've heard this all before in countless reviews, about the fantastic graphics and wonderful gameplay and the forty-hour-plus quest. However, some complain about the Wiimote controls and the lack of originality.

To that, I say, "Screw you."

Twilight Princess has a much larger flaw: It is the only game in the series that obeys the rules of logic. Let me explain.

For instance, in all Zelda games, the protagonist, Link, travels around in a virtual playground, whether it be on foot or on hooves, searching for items that will help him progress further into the main quest. Over the course of the game, Link receives bows, hammers, magical capes, several tunics, etc., until eventually he reaches the final boss.

My question is, Where the hell does he keep all this stuff?

(Well, I can suspend my disbelief for this question. I'm having too much fun with the game to really care.)

But here is where Twilight Princess' biggest flaw comes into play, and where I begin to actually care about the game's logic:

If you're a completionist and likes to open every single treasure chest, this game really isn't for you. Say, for example, you're in a dungeon and you solve a puzzle, and suddenly there's a treasure chest that happens to appear right next to you. Obviously, you shriek with joy like a little girl and decide to see what lays inside.

Oh joy! It's an orange rupee! How lucky!

Wait, not so lucky. Your wallet is full. Better put it back!

Here is Twilight Princess' main flaw -- the game allows Link to carry an obviously heavy ball-and-chain weapon and some fifty-ton iron boots in virtual space...but it doesn't let you have enough room in your freaking wallet for another hundred rupees.

Therein lies my frustration. Thank god for the rupee-draining tunic that everyone complains about, so I can ACTUALLY pick up my hard-earned cash.

Great game, though. Especially when you can beat the final boss with a flick of a fishing rod.

Logical? Your call.