Advance Wars: Dual Strike: Steroids, or "A Review No One Will Read"

Seriously, though. How LARGE can a blue-haired man become before he explodes into a pile of human mush? Based on the amount of steroids he seems to be taking, I bet he can hit 70-plus home runs and not even break a sweat.

But damn, is he ever fun to play with.

Wait, nix that last part.

Advance Wars: Dual Strike is a dream come true -- I mean, what other game allows me to be able to play as teenage hipsters who can dress EXTREMELY well and can also save the world without any military training, whatsoever?

(Well, Final Fantasy VIII comes to mind, but that's another story.)

The DS sequel tops the GBA installments by adding more characters, more maps, more story-lines involving guns and wheelchairs, and more muscle on Max.

Are there any flaws? Well, Jake's music is too damn catchy, and when you face Colin and Sasha in a doubles match, they will never ever use their dual-strike power. And whenever Colin uses his regular power, his stats improve so much that he can sometimes (and more often than not) take out the mighty Kanbei. I thought Colin was supposed to be inexperienced?

Eh, maybe Kanbei is getting too old.

The game is faster paced than its predecessors as well. For example, have you actually ever gone back to the original Advance Wars and captured a city?

IT TAKES TOO FREAKING LONG!

There's a little lag in which the little soldier character animation stomps on the city and just sits there for a split-second, as if he's waiting for you to congratulate him on his virtual achievement.

The infantry units in AW2 seem to have gotten a little more recognition by the designers and have sped the hell up so as not to irritate me anymore.

And guess what? AW:DS' soldiers know they are appreciated and can capture a city without any hesitation. Heck, I can even have an infantry unit get blown up by an enemy Megatank on purpose, and a little text icon appears on screen that says, "Thank you, sir, may I have another?"

And it's because of this text bubble that I'm in the mood to give out a perfect score, just for the heck of it (even if I don't give scores, period).